Rant

I’m back! No one missed me why even ask. I haven’t written since last year. This past school year has been hard in more ways than one. First off I had to take two English classes this past year. It sucked to say the least. I couldn’t even enjoy reading or writing. That was how bad it sucked. My other classes weren’t that bad. The staff at my school worked together really well and wanted to help their students. The students were terrible. I can count on both of my hands the people who were nice and I still talk too. This plus a whole lot of personal problems. I thought I never would see a way out. In the middle of the year I started seeing Tara. Tara was a clinical social worker. In layman’s terms she was therapist. I’m really glad I started seeing her. She is the nicest and sweetest human alive. I’m really grateful that I got to spend time her and work with her. Outside of school and seeing Tara,my life was lacking something I have yet to find. Deep down I was hoping to find a niche like I did in Detroit. I think about Detroit a lot and the work I did there and all the people I met. I miss them more than words can describe. Long story short I never found important and joyful work like I did in Detroit. I still like apart of me died when I left Dertroit. Now that I’m done with school,I’m struggling with my purpose of my life now. I have a recurring thought that I have forfilled my purpose. I’m only 18! People suggest I got back to school. I really don’t want to. I love to learn. School you are put into a environment with strangers and it is more about passing than learning the material. I already been to school once why would I risk my happiness and wellbeing to go back. One of the things I talked to my therapist about in the near end of the school year about how unhappy I was at school and how I dealt with. I dealt with it by withdrawing myself. I know I have to change my behavior but that is the only thing I knew how to do. I don’t have much else to say. Rant over. 

Selfish,Dumb and All of the Above

I loved it when we talked for hours at a time. Now,I feel like we are strangers. It seems you refuse to acknowledge me. I know that makes me selfish and dumb. I only agreed to cut back on our texting time to appear to be self-less and to comply to your needs. But honestly I’m selfish and want to consume all of your time. Wiser me knows that you don’t owe me anything not your time or attention. Part of me still wants your time and attention for you to be there when I have a dumb idea or a lame joke or a interesting fact. Then I realize your not, you’re dancing on the moon with your boyfriend and not having a care in the world. You easily forget that I am down on earth. I look up and try to be happy for you which sometimes I’m truly am. Sometimes you make me swell with pride as if I have raised you myself. Knowing you are a million times better than me. In past writings I described you as an angel with freckles but now you seem more like a ghost that is cold and distance. Can you go back to being the warm freckled-face angel I described you you be? Or am I the selfish monster that killed her.

Proof that Im a Five Year Old

1. I love drinking juice. Especially orange juice

2. I like sleeping

3. I only watch kid movies

4. Attachment to people is serious business

5. The whole growing up thing seem scary. I don’t want to do the adult thing.

6. Fruit snacks. Do I need to say more?

7. Picky eater

8. Fussy

9. Rambles

10. I own stuffed animals and they all have names.

11. I always have questions .

Truths About Me

1. Emotions run deeper
2. Highly creative mind
3. I need space
4. Smarta$$
5. Annoying
6. Introvert to the max
7. Need time to recover
8. I need lots of sleep
9. Sometimes I don’t show anger.
10. I hate the idea of strangers

(Insert Devil Emoji Here)

Things Im giving up when I go back to school:
A good nights sleep
Naps
Being able to see the sunrise
Eating oatmeal with milk and bananas
Being able to enjoy a good book
Being on YouNow
Being on YouTube
Peace of mind
Reading feminist stuff on Tumblr
Being able to text Emily
Being nonverbal
Being in control of my own schedule

Boring. Tired. Yawning. Basically school in three words.

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