Rant

I’m back! No one missed me why even ask. I haven’t written since last year. This past school year has been hard in more ways than one. First off I had to take two English classes this past year. It sucked to say the least. I couldn’t even enjoy reading or writing. That was how bad it sucked. My other classes weren’t that bad. The staff at my school worked together really well and wanted to help their students. The students were terrible. I can count on both of my hands the people who were nice and I still talk too. This plus a whole lot of personal problems. I thought I never would see a way out. In the middle of the year I started seeing Tara. Tara was a clinical social worker. In layman’s terms she was therapist. I’m really glad I started seeing her. She is the nicest and sweetest human alive. I’m really grateful that I got to spend time her and work with her. Outside of school and seeing Tara,my life was lacking something I have yet to find. Deep down I was hoping to find a niche like I did in Detroit. I think about Detroit a lot and the work I did there and all the people I met. I miss them more than words can describe. Long story short I never found important and joyful work like I did in Detroit. I still like apart of me died when I left Dertroit. Now that I’m done with school,I’m struggling with my purpose of my life now. I have a recurring thought that I have forfilled my purpose. I’m only 18! People suggest I got back to school. I really don’t want to. I love to learn. School you are put into a environment with strangers and it is more about passing than learning the material. I already been to school once why would I risk my happiness and wellbeing to go back. One of the things I talked to my therapist about in the near end of the school year about how unhappy I was at school and how I dealt with. I dealt with it by withdrawing myself. I know I have to change my behavior but that is the only thing I knew how to do. I don’t have much else to say. Rant over. 

Selfish,Dumb and All of the Above

I loved it when we talked for hours at a time. Now,I feel like we are strangers. It seems you refuse to acknowledge me. I know that makes me selfish and dumb. I only agreed to cut back on our texting time to appear to be self-less and to comply to your needs. But honestly I’m selfish and want to consume all of your time. Wiser me knows that you don’t owe me anything not your time or attention. Part of me still wants your time and attention for you to be there when I have a dumb idea or a lame joke or a interesting fact. Then I realize your not, you’re dancing on the moon with your boyfriend and not having a care in the world. You easily forget that I am down on earth. I look up and try to be happy for you which sometimes I’m truly am. Sometimes you make me swell with pride as if I have raised you myself. Knowing you are a million times better than me. In past writings I described you as an angel with freckles but now you seem more like a ghost that is cold and distance. Can you go back to being the warm freckled-face angel I described you you be? Or am I the selfish monster that killed her.

Why I can’t be someone’s Girlfriend.

1. I don’t like romance.

2.I won’t go to a sporting outing with you.

3. I hate flowers.

4.I’m never getting married so don’t ask.

5.Don’t play practical jokes on me.

6. Sleeping > copulating with you.

7.I belch and eat like a pig.

October Favorites

Candy: Everlasting Gobstoppers

YouNow:Caleb Moore

Music Video: Love Me- The 1975

https://youtu.be/TJ5bZuUlftI

Cute Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lo-3dakThM

TV Show: Sense8

Movie: Frozen

 

Proof that Im a Five Year Old

1. I love drinking juice. Especially orange juice

2. I like sleeping

3. I only watch kid movies

4. Attachment to people is serious business

5. The whole growing up thing seem scary. I don’t want to do the adult thing.

6. Fruit snacks. Do I need to say more?

7. Picky eater

8. Fussy

9. Rambles

10. I own stuffed animals and they all have names.

11. I always have questions .

Truths About Me

1. Emotions run deeper
2. Highly creative mind
3. I need space
4. Smarta$$
5. Annoying
6. Introvert to the max
7. Need time to recover
8. I need lots of sleep
9. Sometimes I don’t show anger.
10. I hate the idea of strangers

(Insert Devil Emoji Here)

Things Im giving up when I go back to school:
A good nights sleep
Naps
Being able to see the sunrise
Eating oatmeal with milk and bananas
Being able to enjoy a good book
Being on YouNow
Being on YouTube
Peace of mind
Reading feminist stuff on Tumblr
Being able to text Emily
Being nonverbal
Being in control of my own schedule

Boring. Tired. Yawning. Basically school in three words.

Questions

• The 1975 : Favourite member of The 1975 and why?
• The City: If you could fall in love in any city which would it be and why?
• M.O.N.E.Y.: Have you ever taken drugs?
• Chocolate: Do you have a problem with authority?
• Sex: Have you ever been with someone, who already have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
• Talk: Do you know someone who talks a lot of bullshit and doesn’t stop?
• Heart Out: Do you have feelings for someone and wish that they were reciprocated?
• Settle Down: Have you ever had somebody lead you on?
• Robbers: Have you ever been hurt by someone over and over and kept giving them second chances?
• Girls: Have you ever been with someone who wasn’t what you needed?
• She Way Out: Have you ever been with someone who is way out of your league?
• Menswear: Do you hate weddings?
• Pressure: Have you ever lied to someone because of the pressure in a social situation?
• Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You: Do you feel like you are responsible for a person who you love a lot?
• Me: Have you done anything which had bad consequences and hurt you and/or other people?
• Antichritst: Do you believe in God? Or wish you had a religion?
• Woman: Have you ever met someone once and fell in love with them or the moment?
• Milk: Do you need to drugs and alcohol to have a good time at a party?
• Intro/Set3: Do you feel like you are left behind when everyone is further ahead in life?

My favorite member of The 1975 is George Daniel. George is super smart when it comes to producing music. Also his best friend is a crazy person but he keeps him sane and alive

Knaresborough because I like small towns in cities.

Legal drugs yes,illegal drugs no.

Hell no.

No,I do not.

Friendship wise yes. Its a bad feeling.

Nope.

No,thank goodness.

Nope.

Friendship wise yes. It sneeks up on you.

Hate is a strong term,I dislike the origins of weddings & marriage.

No,I try not to lie often.

Yes,even though she’s older than me.

Yes. I’m not going to take you back to the hole I dug. But 2/5 of this person immediate family won’t talk to me. Even this person mom is wary of me.

I’m 50/50 about god. I don’t like religion.

No,I have social anxiety so I wouldn’t be at a party.

Yes. Im convinced that I will stay 16 forever.

Recipe for Disaster Tumblr Style

Okay,I have to put this to rest.I use Tumblr a lot and people like to bring up things that are not recent. Someone on Tumblr decided to bring up the whole Matthew Healy hook-up situation. Matthew from the 1975 slept with Ashley Frangipane. Ashley is a singer/poet also know as Halsey. Ashley and Matthew met in 2013. From what I understand she was 18 and he was 24 at the time. (Theres a rumor that they slept together multiple times). Since 2013 people have been down her throat about Matty and her. Ashley won’t talk about it publicly because its something very sensitive to her. I understand. Insensitive people give her all this hate and saying she is portraying Matty in such a negative light (Newsflash he isn’t perfect). Also they say she’s whiny. Its mostly the 1975 fan base saying this stuff about her. They think they are entitled to him but they aren’t because he is his own person with his own life. Matty is a grown man and that’s on him if he wants to sleep with 17 and 18 year olds. I have no say in HIS sex life. Ashley vice versa. This whole situation is crazy and all this hate on her is unbelievable.

Emily

I MISS EMILY! She moved to Chicago to go to school. She told me after she finished school, she is going to remain in Chicago :(. At first I did not think much of her. I thought she was going to be this mean little lady that followed Miss Powers around. Turns out that she is super nice. She also has freckles! Emily’s freckles cover her cheeks and her nose. I could go on and on describing her. I sincerely miss her. Emily is such a beautiful person.